If Mia Was a Goth
by Elizabeth Holopainen-Ylonen
Summary: This is totally unrealistic, but I wrote a story about what it would be like if Mia, Lilly and Tina were goths [yes, I was pretty bored]. Things are totally different between Mia and Michael, and there is some trouble about a rock concert.
1. Mia, but not as you know her

_**Author's Note:** Ok, I know that this story is totally not like the Princess Diaries, as Mia and Lilly and thier friends are goths. But I was thinking about what it would be like if they were goths, so I decided to write the beginning of a story. Please R R. I dont care if I get any flames; but I'm not trying to make fun of PD, this is just an...experiment. And Mia and Michael? The whole paying thing? It was the only way I could get them together._

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**If Mia Was a Goth…**

**CHAPTER ONE**

_Mia's Book. KEEP OUT UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH!_

_I don't believe it! Lilly got me and Mike tickets to see Torturing Alice! TORTURING ALICE! I am so excited…only Mike – oops, I mean MICHAEL, doesn't want to go. God, this is TORTURING ALICE we're talking about. It's not like they're the most famous Heavy Metal Goth band or anything! Besides Evanescence, of course. _

_I am seriously gonna kill Michael. I'm being paid, by Lilly, to date the dork. And he won't even come to a CONCERT with me! _

_Oops, mom's coming. _

_Mia _

I pushed the book under my bed just as Mom walked in, carrying Rocky.

"Mia, honey, could you please turn your music down a little. I'm trying to get Rocky to sleep." I groaned, and turned _Torturing Alice_'s second album, _Raping David's Girlfriend, _down. My mum stood in my doorway for a few seconds.

"What?" I asked, wanting to get back to moaning about Michael in my diary.

"Mia, do you realise that this song is all about the lead singer raping his bestfriend's girlfriend?" My mom asked.

"Um, yeah," I said. "But actually April and Jamie had an affair. He didn't actually rape her."

"Oh, of course," my mum walked out, shutting the door. I opened up my songbook and began writing yet another song about Michael.

_It's all About the Money_

_Lilly, I'm gonna kill you_

_Your brother's driving me round the bend_

_He won't go to a concert_

_And you paid a lot of money_

_Mm, money…_

_Chorus_

_It's all about the money_

_Not the kissing, not the sex_

_It's all about the money-_

"Mia!" Frank pushed open my door. "Are you studying for your Algebra exam?"

"No," I replied, shutting my book.

"Mia, you really need to study." Frank said.

"Yeah, yeah…" I made a face; Frank sighed, and walked out of the room.

I had a feeling I was pissing him off a little.

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"Mia!" Lilly leapt into the limo. "Yo!" She said to Lars. He nodded at her. She turned to me. "Mike's at the dentists. So we can discuss how we get him to come to see TA with us. Mom won't let me go unless he comes."

"Oh, God!" I leant back against the seat. "That is so pish, man!"

"I know. But I guess she doesn't trust me after last time. I seriously did not know it was that easy to get drunk!"

"Imagine what Grandmere would say if she heard about you and me getting pissed at that H.I.M. gig!" I giggled.

"Oh, God, you have that Princess crap tonight, don't you?" Lilly sank back against the limo seat and rested her New Rocks on the back of Lars's seat. He grumbled to the driver.

"Yeah, sorry," I groaned, wondering what "Grandmere," as she insisted in calling herself, was going to teach me tonight. "Mia!" I put on a French accent. "We hold the fork like _this!"_ I rolled my eyes.

"Tell her to shove the fork up her arse and come to see Jack with me and T.!" Lilly said.

"Even if I _could _get out of Princess Lessons, Mike would want to see me!" I rolled my eyes. "I can't believe you're paying me to date your brother just so he doesn't find out that you're going out with a twenty-four-year-old."

"I thought it was all about the money?" Lilly grinned at me, remembering the song that I'd emailed her the previous night. "Mia," she whispered, so Lars didn't hear. "You mentioned sex in the song. You and Michael aren't having sex are you?"

"EWWWWWWW!" I shouted. "No, Lilly, it just made the song sound good. There is NO way I'd shag your brother." Lars just about choked on his coffee. "Sorry Lars," I said to him, as the limo stopped outside school. "Well, come on, lets go find Tina."


	2. Mia, the apparent Virgin

_**A/N: **Thanks people who reviewed. This chapter is kinda crap, but please say what you think of it. And yes, I feelkinda sorry for Genovia too. But you'll hear about that soon..._

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Mia, the apparent Virgin...

_9am Algebra_

You'd think that if my mother had to marry my bloody Algebra teacher, who by the way is NOT hottie, by Ville Valo or Joey Jordison standards, he'd tell me when we were having a test. But, oh no, he doesn't. So I'm stuck here, pretending to finish an equation. Luckily I'm ok at FOIL now, as I wrote what it was on the back of my ruler with tip-ex. I see Tina, across the room, staring at her red and white striped socks. I bet that she wrote the equation on her socks! Just like Lil wrote what a Plasma was on the label in her DCs in Science last year. Man, that was funny.

Anyway, I've finished all the questions…thank God that I sit next to Boris, that geeky Russian from my GT class. And that he's so good at FOIL.

Mike came to see me in Homeroom. He gave me a pack of Jelly Babies. I gave them to T., since I hate Jelly Babies.

Lil's paying me 100 a month to date Mike so that he won't tell her parents that she's dating Andy, from Torturing Alice. He doesn't know that I'm only seeing him for the money. Lil told him that she'd get me to go out with him if didn't tell her parents.

Well, time's up for the test.

More later

Mia

You pull me down; you pull me under

I'm scared, yet I'm in love with you

You rape me; you scare me

Yet I know that I still love you

You make me fear you, but I need to feel you

I live in fear of you

"Fear of you" Torturing Alice

P.S. By the way, the TA song had nothing to do with Michael WHAT SO EVER!

"God, Mia, was that test hard or what!" Tina cried, as we walked out of Frank's classroom. She swung her denim bag, made out of an old pair of jeans. The strap broke and two dozen badges with sayings such as I like you; I'll kill you last, and Jesus is coming; look busy! Clanked against the floor. "Shit!" T. shouted. Lana and her clones gave us (me, Lil and T.) funny looks.

"T., be quiet. What if a teacher hears you?" Lil said, grabbing T. and her bag, and pulling her into the girl's bathroom. I followed them.

"Oh no, it's the Goth patrol!" A ginger girl with bright pink eye shadow squealed. Her friend rolled her eyes, and they stopped brushing their hair, and left us alone in the bathroom.

"Finally, the Tarts are gone," Lil said, sitting in a sink and lighting a cigarette.

"Mia, you got a safety pin?" T. asked, frowning at her broken bag. I handed her one, which I kept in my pocket in case I ever needed it. "Well, are you two going to the TA gig?" She asked, leaning against a sink, and resting her Converse All Stars on a trash bin.

"Hopefully, if Mia can get Mike to come with us," Lil rolled her heavily lined eyes. "Which probably won't happen."

"Your brother sucks," T. said.

"I know," Lil replied. "So, Mia…maybe if you shagged him he'd come with us…"

"Eww, that is just WRONG. The only guy I'd ever shag would be, um…"

"Ville Valo? T. suggested.

"Yeah," I replied.

"So you're still a virgin, right?" T. asked.

"No," I laughed, and Lil joined in. "Didn't you hear about me and that hot mosher guy who worked in the Palace garden, this summer?"

"Oh, God, SPILL!" T. gasped, just as Lana walked into the bathroom.

"Well, well, well," Lana said. "Won't Michael just love to hear about this. And what will the Principal think when she hears that Lilly Moscovitz has been smoking IN the school. And Mr Gianni when he sees your socks, Tina." I could tell Tina was wishing she wasn't wearing denim cut-offs. "Come on, Trisha, lets go pay a visit to Principal Gupta…"


End file.
